November 26, 2012

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The Devil Wears Prada, and I Wear the Devil

I have a chronic condition. Thankfully, I'm not alone. It's suffered by many, and often: it threatens us weekly; occurring between Sunday evenings and Tuesday mornings. It's "the Mondays," and I usually have a pretty serious case of it.

A big component of this condition is the reluctance to leave the weekend behind and enthusiastically jump into a productive work week with high heel-wearing feet. Mondays are a terrible time of transition: pajamas, couch-potating and take-out are a thing of the past, and showering, adequate amounts of deodorant and body hair removal, and an intimidating day planner are slapping you in the face like they're Nene Leakes.

Which brings me to getting dressed. I've developed a flawless formula for getting dressed on Mondays to ease into the week, with a simple combination of Sunday and Tuesday:

1. Throw on a pair of loose, drop crotch trousers that cleverly cover the food baby and vodka bloat leftover from Sunday's hangover. Next, layer your tops for warmth and protection from the harsh climate of an air-conditioned office or classroom. Extra points for a sweatshirt picturing (vampire) Anna Wintour: if you allude to fashion, sometimes people will just believe you look acceptable.

Bump watch? No, I'm just at full term with a generous order of butter chicken.
sweatshirt: Sauce, tank: Topshop, pants & shoes: Zara

2. Wear a fancy necklace. Why? Because you're a fancy lady, goddammit! And a diamond in the rough is representative of your emotional (and sartorial state) on Monday. It's deep, people. Plus, although you may be wearing your finest of poopy pants, you need to compensate for the fact that your crotch is at your knees and your ass looks as though you inherited your body from your grandmother -- at age 90.

necklace: Vintage

3. Always wear loafers on Monday. (Yes, we should be compensating for our lackluster clothing choices, however, we all know Monday isn't going to happen with a 4-inch pair of heels when your toes are still numb from Saturday night.) I suppose some sort of ballet flat would also suffice, but my case for the loafer is that they're essentially just a step above slippers. Heck, if you have actual loafer slippers, you should just wear those instead.

Let's review. Important items: baggy pants, comfy tops, diamonds, slippers. Major themes: Dressing down, trickery, and over-compensating.

On Tuesday, we'll try to look presentable. Stay tuned.

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  1. aawww, I love your shoes and combination - sweatshirt with necklace <3


  2. LOLz such a funny post. Love the diamante necklace and, d'accord, the tee. x

  3. Wow, I feel like I succeeded my Monday similarly - loafers and loose dress pants. My outfit is a mess - yours on the other hand is adorable!

  4. cute! love those loafers and the sweater is hilarious


  5. I am a flat and loafer gal!
    Great post! I'm looking forward to Tuesday's outfit ;)

  6. Hey, no judgement here. It's Monday and I'm in jeans, an old grey cardi, and brogues.

  7. "if you allude to fashion, sometimes people will just believe you look acceptable." <--- ha! this is so incredibly true!

  8. Love this look and looooove the sweatershirt!

    Kate xo

  9. ciao! luvFAB blog.

  10. Ha! I AM a fancy lady! Thank you for recognizing that! Love the post and especially the sweatshirt!