It has been months since this skirt was last seen, and much has happened in the time passed to alter the experience had when wearing it: beer and hockey playoffs, summer barbecues, an increased disregard for exercise, and the new addition of a panini grill, to name a few reasons why it wouldn't feel and fit as it once did.
With its column shape and unfortunately tight fit, it essentially acts as a giant sausage casing, holding in the fattiest, most succulent of meats from the rump and thighs. Yes, I'm talking about my fat ass and referring to my body as a human sausage, because I'm honest, and that's what wearing this skirt feels like.
Wearing it requires my best celebrity red carpet pose: standing almost all the way sideways, hand on hip, sucking in my gut while simultaneously holding my breath and visualizing 500 pairs of Spanx. Does it look natural? It did when I passed out seconds later.
It does, however, allow for a bit of breathing room with a back slit that goes all the way up the buttcrack. It's risky, but nothing a pair of full brief period panties can't handle.
While we're feeling fat, and may be mooning a Nissan Versa, why not take a trip down memory lane and remind ourselves as to why this skirt was so special to begin with? Let me draw your attention back to the giant bow that houses the crotch.
Because of said bow, this skirt will forever remind me of Catholic school (not because the nun-like maxi length covers a lot of skin) but because in Catholic school they tell you that your privates are a gift from God (and apparently some of us show this literally with giant red bows)... to be given to your priest. Just kidding, they don't tell you that.
But they do call it a gift, and they also tell you to tell an adult you trust if someone touches you in places your bathing suit would cover. So there you have it kids. There's a comment section below.