December 5, 2011

Pin It

Widgets

I'm Ron Burgundy?

Riddle me this: what do me and Santa Claus share? Well it's definitely not my zero percent body fat or his voluminous curls, but our ability to be in every home at one time. He, delivering gifts and I, live on national television, as I was for the first time on Friday afternoon when CTV News invited me on a panel to discuss current happenings in the wonderful world of popular culture. Now that I'm a celebrated television star, I wanted to take you along a trip down memory lane, via Fiat, and drive through the Bronx to remind everyone that I'm still real, but apparently that's been done already. Instead, I'll go back to my roots as a fashion blogger and dish out some expert advice on what to wear for an appearance on the news. Please refer to the diagram of female erogenous zones below.

1. A smile, of course! You're on TV and your ego couldn't be more elated and inflated. Also, rehearse a boisterous laugh, for both your newsmates' anecdotes and your own.
2. A statement accessory, like this gold necklace. It's large and shiny enough to distract the viewers from the lack of intelligent things being said.
3. A shirt. Without one, an invitation for a return appearance is unlikely (although this does depend on which channel or program you're on, however, I recommend avoiding toplessness until your career is in shambles, see: Lindsay Lohan and Playboy).
4. A blazer. Have you ever seen a news anchor go blazerless? No. Because blazers mean business and so do you.



5. A small purse, to carry with you or keep stored under your news desk. If your blazer has room for the flask of your hard alcohol of choice (not pictured) you may skip this step (because you certainly won't be skipping the blazer, as already discussed).
6. A drop crotch. In case your nerves get the best of you, a harem pant will provide ample room for an adult diaper. I chose a cropped pair in faux leather.
7. Practical flats. Unless you're reporting on the weather, your shoes won't be on camera and comfort is key. You've already accepted the fact that you may soil yourself on live television, so really, wearing a pair of shoes for practicality's sake isn't going to hurt anyone.


blazer: H&M, top: vintage, necklace: Belle Noel, pants: Topshop, bag: Club Monaco


shoes: Topshop

Enjoy your paths to stardom, my young grasshoppers. May they be filled with brightly coloured extra-large-shoulder-padded polyester blazers and never have less than 2 prints.

In other news...

1. The winner of the MiH Jeans velvet giveaway has been drawn: congrats Cary Debenham! The ultra faboosh team at MiH will be getting in touch with you to get you your prize. Thank you to all who entered.

2. A Haute Mess is tumblin'! And not how I usually do when my wine hand is full, but I've signed up for Tumblr. Check it out, if you dare.

13 comments:

  1. love your shoes! the whole outfit is perfect!

    www.diary-of-mia.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well, congratulations missy! Bravo and all that! I like it all, you even incorporated the whole 'hands in pockets' stance, which if you were a male reporter, would mean you were fiddling with something VERY IMPORTANT. As you know, this is code, in the male reporter world, for 'I am so important, I can scratch my balls on tv and you will still tune in", haha... Only shoulder pads are more important.

    http://www.cakesandshakes.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. Love this outfit....looks fabulous. Perfect for a TV appearance :)

    Annie
    The Other Side of Gray

    ReplyDelete
  4. haha, love the post!

    Congrats on your CTV News appearance!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Love the purple blazer. Blazers are on my hit list this year, gotta collect a few more lol
    Bella xo
    http://www.chicinvancity.com/

    ReplyDelete
  6. Practical and hilarious advice! Congrats on your national television debut.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Your outfit is amazinggg. I especially love your harem pants and booties!

    And you are seeeeriously funny. This coming from a non-television star. ;)

    <3 The Daily Dani

    ReplyDelete
  8. Cool look!

    http://initialed.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  9. gasp!! i won! i won! :-D thanks!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Congratulations! A perfect outfit for TV :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. I can't read any of your posts without laughing my head off! Why do you get to be funny, pretty, and well-dressed?!

    ReplyDelete
  12. LOVE those shoes! You look great!

    xo
    Missy

    ReplyDelete